Emotion
by Coppelia Kitty
Summary: Winry decides to check Ed's automail, and ends up thinking about her feelings for him. Slightly one-sided EdWin.


**Authors Note: This is supposed to take place during episode 45 of the first FMA series, right after Winry braids Ed's hair. I'm sorry if Winry seems a little OOC. Please review!**

"All finished." Winry smiled as she tied the elastic around Ed's braid. It was strange seeing him with such dark hair, but she could tell why he had colored it that way. His normally golden-blond hair was quite distinctive, even in Amestris, so leaving it that way would like hanging a neon sign around his neck.

Ed smiled back. "Thanks." He then got down on the floor, reaching with his automail hand underneath the bed.

"What are you looking for?" asked a perplexed Winry.

"These," replied Ed, brandishing a black coat and pair of pants. "Part of the disguise. I guess I should just change now." The young alchemist grabbed his shirt from the bedside table and began to pull it on, when Winry stopped him.

"Um, before you do that, let me check your automail one more time."

Edward sighed. "Again?"

"Brother, just let her do it." Al's voice came from the statue in the corner of the room. It was soft, but firm. Ed sighed once more, but allowed Winry to lead him into the workshop.

Winry quietly checked his limbs while Ed stared at the ceiling in a bored manner. She tightened a bolt on his arm, and made sure his leg was good to go. Timidly, she looked up at him, and, seeing that his eyes were still focused on the ceiling, allowed her gaze to linger.

He looked so calm, as if he was merely going to mail a letter, and not go on what could turn out to be a dangerous mission. Of course, Winry realized long ago that he did things like this fairly often in the years he had been trying to restore his brother's body.

She felt a sudden flash of anger. Didn't he care? Didn't he care that it might be a while before he came home again? _If_ he came home again. There was always an _if_. She and Granny always waited for the brothers to come home, and even though it was usually because Ed had broken his arm or his leg, Winry knew that it was better than seeing them both dead. Even if the automail she had painstakingly made were destroyed, she was still happy to bask in their friendship as if nothing had changed.

This was why she would stay up all night fixing Ed's automail. This was why she had gone to Central. This was why she had stayed with the two even after Rush Valley. She wanted to reach them. To break the wall that had formed in their hearts, especially Ed's. He had a one-track mind. He planned to get Al and himself back to normal, but anything after that was hazy.

The more time that had passed since they had left Risembool, the more Winry felt like nothing than a voice in the background, drowned out by louder, more important voices. When he did stop to listen to her, he was guarded and cautious, as if he believed that she couldn't possibly comprehend what he felt. At times, this made Winry either want to use her wrench to knock some sense into him, or hug him tightly and desperately try to explain that she understood at least some of his pain. She wanted Ed to know that she had always tried to be there for him.

Of course he didn't know. The subject wasn't important enough. The subject of her feelings. Edward was dense when it came to things like that. Winry loved him. Honestly and unconditionally. She always had. The depth of the feeling surprised even her at times. She loved Al too, but with a more sisterly affection. The love she felt for Ed hurt. Maybe if she told him, he would tell her exactly what he felt about her, and some of the hurting would stop. She would finally be able to set her mind at ease.

Deep down, that wasn't the only reason Winry wanted to express these feelings. A darker section of her heart was hopeful that Ed had the same strong feelings for her, and he would stay, at least for a little longer. She couldn't help it, for she was human. Human, flawed, and imperfect.

Winry set down her screwdriver. "I'm done," she announced, and got up from her kneeling position on the floor.

"Geez, talk about a long check-up. I'm gonna go get dressed." Ed got out of the chair and began to leave the room. Instinctively, Winry's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. "Huh? What is it?" he asked.

They both stood there for a moment, neither of them saying anything. Ed didn't attempt to remove his wrist from her grip, nor did he snap at her to hurry up with whatever she wanted to say, so she tentatively began. "Um... well..." she stuttered, trying to muster up her own courage. "I..."

This was harder than it should have been. Winry had wanted the words to come out effortlessly, to finally break down the wall in Ed's heart, and to finally get rid of the shackles on her own. So why couldn't she say it? Was she just a coward? Was she afraid of humiliating herself? What _was_ it?

But then the answer came.

It was selfish.

To think that Edward Elric, someone completely driven by his goals, would drop them just for one little confession, was pure selfishness. No matter how much weight it held for Winry, Ed could never understand that. Words like 'I love you' wouldn't help him in the long run.

So saying them would be pointless.

"What are you trying to say?" Ed asked, his voice tinged with the slightest hint of irritation. Winry snapped back to reality. Forcing herself to smile, she let go of his wrist.

"It's nothing," she said casually. "You go get dressed." He nodded and headed for the door, but stopped in the doorway for a second, his back still turned to her.

"Al and I will try to come back soon, okay?" He then went back to the bedroom, not waiting for a reply.

Winry stood there in silence. Her plan had failed. The shackles still had their grip on her heart, perhaps even tighter than before. Her hands tightened into fists. They were shaking violently.

_Splat!_

The mechanic's eyes widened in alarm, but then saw that one of her tears had fallen to the floor. A soft smile touched her features as more tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn't move to wipe them away, but let them fall. In the privacy of the workshop, she allowed herself to stop being strong for a moment and cry, for in the end, she was only a teenage girl. A girl who had her parents ripped from her at such a young age, and had loved a boy who had so many of his own problems to bear. The realization was almost scary.

At the same time, Winry felt relieved in some way. Her heart still ached, and she knew that her love would never just disappear, but she now knew that she could bear it. Maybe one day she _could _tell Ed how she felt, without any desperation or fear of being selfish. During an easier time.

Right now, she could only move forward.


End file.
